7/7/2005
Little by little
American Soldier says,
I’ve decided to go back to work next week. I think it is best that I integrate back into civilian life sooner than later. I have taken some time off and I am ready to get back into saddle. The thought of being around non-military people again is scary. Some questions linger in my head. Will I be able to relate to them? Will I remember all that I need to be successful? I know that this will not last forever but how long will it be like that?
I have my orthopedic surgeon appointment next week as well. I am very anxious to goto that appointment. With any luck I can get surgery within a month. One thing to note is my employer has been very understanding and supportive of me in this endeavor. Even with me going back to work they understand that most likely in a month I will be having surgery and will require time off. They have certainly taken care of me and for that I am grateful. I think I will write a letter to the CEO soon.
My wife and I have been talking off and on about this whole adjustment thing. Really this is not an uncommon thing among soldiers. I have been gone for a long time. So our separation has forced us to change and adapt. Add the whole military experience on top of two changed people and you have created a whole lot of new variables. So the first step has been talking about it. One of my issues is letting my guard down. This has always been a problem for me. So I am working on it.
So that is latest and greatest with me.
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31 Responses to “Little by little”
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Hi A.S.
Juat a note to let you know I’m glad you are starting to feel better and things are going ok.
You remain in our thoughts.
Thank you, as always.
I know you will be OK. With such a wonderful wife and family, now your employer. Not to mention how strong you yourself are. God Bless AS, and have a beautiful weekend.
I’ve been married for 46 years. I’ve learned from experience that letting your guard down is sometimes very difficult and it’s important to learn how to do it. I believe that with practice it can become easier. The self knowledge you have now should be a great help to you and greatly appreciated by your wife. Good luck. You are in my prayers.
So glad to hear from you again. {{{HUGS}}} Will be praying ~ will CONTINUE to be praying ~ for y’all. It will take time ~ just hang in there and take one minute at a time. My future son-in-law was in desert storm…told me that it took him about two full years before he really started to “get it together” in his words. It will take time… but you’ll be alright. you’ve got a great wife & kids and good friends/family out there who love you and will stand beside you all the whole way. And there’s always all of us out here in the blogosphere, cheering you on.
Congrats on going back to work ~ you’ll do great, I know you will!
Most sincerely,
Kat, etc.
you will be fine man. they need to you adapt too, if they can’t handle it F&^% em. But I doubt that will be the case.
I am an infrequent visitor to your blog; due mostly to lack of time rather than lack of interest. I’m happy to hear that you are progressing back into the civilian track. The adjustment period can be frustrating. It is good you and your wife are spending a lot of time talking. For her, it is even more important that you listen…alot! I want to encourage you to keep the lines of communications open. They are as important in a marriage as in a chain of command.
Be aware that when you return to work you might get a lot of pats on the back, a lot of over-the-top thank you’s, and even a few silent stares. That is to be expected and should be appreciated; none of them have a bullet following. Over time you will just naturally become the guy who once left for a while to go off to war.
Please be aware though, at special times like Veterans Day, Independence Day, and Memorial Day, your face will be the face they think of when they remember the sacrifices our military makes to protect us. That is good , too. Be proud to represent those that currently stand between us and chaos, and cherish the time you spent in the company of heroes. Thank you, for your service and your patriotism.
The transition will be an adventure. I have been retired for 10 years abd I am still “adjusting”.
Hey AS,
It’s good that you are adjusting to being home, however difficult. I agree with some of the others that it’s so important to talk with your wife and listen to her too as she should you. The communication thing is so important to a good marriage.
I have been married almost 40 years and my husband and I have had our ups and downs but we have always talked our problems out. I think that is one of the reasons that we are still together and happy.
I’m sure that you will do fine AS at your job. You still have the skills that you had when you left plus a few more with the Army experience. People will welcome you I’m sure!
I’m so glad that your employer is understanding of your situation and will allow you the time off you need to heal when you have your surgery. Please keep us posted when you have your surgery. I like so many others am praying for you and for your family.
Thanks for all the sacrifices that you have and are making for we fellow Americans, so that we can live in peace!!
Hi A.S.–I was wondering when we would hear from you again. Breathe–and take it easy on yourself. My husband has been home from Nam for over thirty years and he still ducks when he hears helicopter blades. Remember how long you were there. It’s my expectation it will take at least that long to be able to “let your guard down.” Perhaps never again–you know?
Remember, as women, we want to know how you feel. What are you thinking? Remember that most of the time in Iraq you couldn’t afford to feel. You also couldn’t think about anything but the mission. Just the mission.
I’m an incest survivor and I am one hypervigilant woman. One of my bosses calls it “global awareness”–but I am constantly in fight or flight mode. (It’s a little hard on the adrenals!)
I’d like to suggest that you get ahold of the VA and start doing some group stuff to decompress. You will be with guys like yourself who will identify with how you feel. You will all have an opportunity to share what’s working for you and what isn’t. Plus you will have a place to vent. It’s not about right or wrong–it just is what it is.
Kudos for talking to your wife. She still strikes me as an admirable woman.
Just remember that you cannot argue about how you feel. Nobody has the ability to affect or control how another person feels.
One step at a time. And just remember to breathe! Breathe deeply! Notice how many times you stop breathing when certain stuff comes up or happens.
In the meantime we’ll continue to keep you and yours and all the guys and gals over there in our prayers.
It gets a little better every day…every day a little better. Hang in there.
Hi AS,
Good to see your new post. Pam and Dougrc have offered excellent advice. Be patient, hang loose; trust your wife and talk things over with her to get her viewpoint and advice. She is your most important resource in reintegrating into civilian life. Be very slow to anger and fight that urge for the quick retort.
It will take time for you to stand down. You will have to moderate and surpress the training that has given you responses that would save your life while in service.
And if you encounter a looney lefty, just smile and walk away. That type is not worth a moment of your time or an ounce of your adrenalin.
Welcome home, and thank you so much for your sacrifice. We owe you and all soldiers so much. Do not turn away the offers of thanks and appreciation from others. They are more embarrased than you at that moment.
Communication is the key, and that is what you are using to unlock the door to any walls that may have been built up during your National Guard training to prepare you to go to Iraq. I’m sure part of your heart is with your soldiers that shipped over to Iraq while you stayed here - even though you could not go with your arm needing surgery, I’m sure it bothers part of you that you were not able to leave the States to be with them. But they need you to be whole, otherwise you cannot help keep them and yourself safe. Your life is different now, and you may be, too, to a certain extent. Keep your eye on what is important in life.
Also, I pray for all of our troops, the loved ones of the SEALs who lost their lives in Afghanistan, and for our British friends who suffered in yesterday’s terrorist attacks.
You must be a special employee. I have found that if you are an asset to the company, the company will bend over backwards to keep you. Good luck on the surgery and may God bless you and yours.
Hey AS-
Glad to see you’re starting to communicate more with the Wife. The readjustment period has got to be scary for both of you. It’s good to see you’re going back to work too- that should help. Anything you can do to restore a sense of normalcy in your lives will be beneficial to you, your wife, and the kids.
Take care!!
glad your getting back to civilan life. talking really does help, my soldier isnt very good at it but he’s getting better lol. stay stong
AS,
How much stuff can change in the mere 6 months (not to mention your visits during that time) that you have been gone that would require adjusting to?
M,
Go from civilian mindset to survival mode and see how fast you can adjust back to normality.
Hope that clears that up for you.
AS
It doesn’t. Something more indepth would be appreciated.
I’m not military, never have been in the military,and could not, would not, **ever** presume to say “I know how they feel.” I can only *repeat* what soldiers have personally told me over the several years i’ve been “adopting” deployed soldiers, LOL. And what THEY have told me is that it’s pretty difficult, if not actually impossible, to explain to someone not in the military, the things they go thru and the mental/emotional transformations that take place.
It’s not as simple as going from “Job A” to “Job B”, from a relatively easy job to a more difficult one. In fact, one soldier told me once that in many ways, he was in some ways actually more afraid of GOING HOME than he was of going “over there” in the first place, 
because the whole experience had so profoundly changed him. He said he felt that eveyone at home had gone on with life as usual, and that in many ways, he wasn’t the same guy as he was when he left. My future son-in-law, who was in desert storm, has said many of the same things I’ve heard from others.
I personally know another girl who was in one of my classes a couple semesters ago, who had gone thru basic training for the marine corps. Shortly before basic training was over, she got injured in training and had to be discharged. She didn’t even get out of basic training, LOL, and she said it took her MONTHS to (in HER words) “deprogram” and be able to assimilate back into “regular” society.
From what I’ve witness from afar, it’s not necessarily somthing that can be entirely put into words, at least not very easily.
OK I’m rambling aimlessly!
LOL Just my un-knowledgable, “layman’s view” two cents, LOL…
Good to hear from you again AS. I’m so glad you are talking. Best of everything to you. Remember we’re out here pulling for you. Take care of you! Thank you so very much for everything you’ve given for us. We won’t forget!
M - You probably wouldn’t be able to understand it even if he decided to go “in depth” for you. Unless you’ve actually been through what he has….i highly doubt you’d understand. Unless you’ve been in a true to life survival situation where someone is actually out to kill you…I doubt you’d ever understand.
One other thing to note M is, it is not about the past 6 months, but how going through what I have been though just in training can revert your mindset into something else.
If you’ve been a long time reader then you know that this was not my first taste of the war.
Hang in there AS. I’m not in the military but I can understand how your mindset could change with just the training. I am very sympathetic for what you’ve gone through.
No one, unless they have experienced these things really knows what you are feeling right now.
You are in my prayers as well as many others and we appreciate your service to this country and to us!!
Thanks again for all the sacrifices that you have made and are making on our behalf!
Hi, AS.
Yes, I am aware of that but you have never delved into the adjustments that one needs to make upon arriving home. So far, you have written often about your experiences but then seem to drop off the face of the earth now that you are home. Some of us have never been in your shoes, nor your wife’s, and are very interested in hearing not only about what you do/did while actively serving but also about the adjustments that you go through when you are home. You have the benefit of anonymity to be able to express yourself about anything. Why haven’t you opened up regarding this particular topic? Just a thought/observation. Perhaps you will enlighten us all in a posting soon.
M,
I’m sure you understand my lack of updating as of late. When I was away, this blog was my only place to put my feelings. Now that I am home, my wife and I have got some catching up to do. Little by little I open up to her and she reminds me of how things are, at home with my family.
AS
{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}
AS ~ you just take *all the time you need* and post whatever you want, whenever you want (or not! lol). We’re here to support YOU
no matter what. you do whatever YOU need to to take care of YOURSELF. We’ll be over here in the wings praying for you the whole time, regardless of what is or is not posted. We are here to support YOU. 
Hang in there!!! Give my luv to the family.
It’s so good to read posts like ones here. I am so encouraged that you are realizing what you need and taking steps to recover your prescious life, AS. I am so moved by everyone’s sincere support and understanding. I’m saving this URL page for my son to read someday in the future.
My son served one year in the Al Anbar Province (Mostly in Ramadi and Fallujah). He did everything there is to do over there. He’s been home for 10 months now and is training his fanny off getting ready to go back again soon for another year. He’s not doing real great getting back to “normal” - especially knowing he’s facing another year. I’ve given him room, haven’t pressed him for any deep conversations, etc., but it’s been hard, cause I can see (especially as his mother) how he’s suffering emotionally. He’s only 21 and is married with two small boys. Lot’s to deal with.
I read posts for ideas from people that have been there, hoping I might learn something magic to say to, or do for him. He’s stationed 12 hours away. Your comments here have been very helpful, thank you. He knows I’m here for him and he knows I’ll be here when he wants to talk. We used to be able to talk about anything and everything.
AS, thank you for your honest thoughts. Good luck with your continued progress! You have a HUGE family of support here, I wish you all the best for the future!! And thank you for serving us proud
)
A Soldier’s Mom
Soldier’s Mom,
I’m so sorry for what your son is going through and for what you are experiencing as a Mom. That has to be hard to see your child go through that. I want you to know that he and you are in my prayers as well as AS and all of our men and women in the military and their families.
I (we) owe them a debt that can never be paid!! God Bless!!
Congrats on being back! I often wonder what the adjustment will be like. My husband is still overseas and I am raising our 7mos old. Last time he saw either of us was 6mos. ago. I always hope that when he comes home it will be like dating again, learning all about eachother all over again. He is the love of my life as I am sure you are hers. Best wishes.
As, glad things are day at a time starting to come around. You already know that it will take quite a bit of work, And, you have already had some great advice. I am leary of some of the comments here.
You have quite plainly talked about your adjustment. Anyone who wants more details can get some excellant books which will explain more detailed than you are able to do now as you are in the middle of your adjuustment period. You cannot answer more than you have.
The training to go is different than recovery and/ or deprograming. I too am an incest survivor. The closest comparison that I can perceive is teaching a baby to walk. It took a while. Sure he can still crawl, etc, but he cannot easily give up walking to go back to that crawl. Well, life or death survival skills, the adrenalin produced, the react response versus, think before you take action once in place in life or death situations are very hard to put away.
I still have my survival skills in place due to my perps, even though I may not need them. But this war is unlike any other. Those sick ba$^ard$ don’t fight out in the open like most soldiers in a war. It’s all about fear, intidation, domination, etc. and they also can and will hit us again. These troops are taught that. So he hasn’t laft the battlefield.
He has left the “front!” There is a part of him that knows that here at home he and others like him are the first line of defense at home. So AS has to try to deprogram “and” be vigilant on the home front. Why people don’t call this what is really is is beyond me. It is a “declared war” declared by Osama bin Laden and the terrorists have been spreading their minions, sleepers, sleeper cells, etc around the globe for some time in an organized, methodical manner. But they fully iintend to destroy us.
The MSM and “partisan” politics cannot not wish it away and ignore the fact forever.
I am eternally greatful to soldiers like AS and families such as his. They are all that stands between us and annihialation by these nuts who by the way are extremely educated. I invest a lot of time to learn what I and my family can do here at home to do our part. I have no doubt it will be needed. This is a totally new thing for us Americans. But I truly feel it is necessary. Maybe then AS and our other troops will be able to adjust better if we all do our part here at home.
By the way AS, make sure your readera know your entries and comments are copy righted!
A.S.,
Since last week has come and gone, I hope your appointment with the surgeon and the first week back to your job went well. I’m sure the first day back was a waste with people coming up to say hi and having to delete tons of spam from your work email. Hopefully someone brought in donuts and bagels - the traditional ‘welcome back’ fare.