Adjusting has been interesting for me. I am still very ‘on edge’ when I get in crowded areas. I typically avoid a crowded room altogether. Being in a vehicle is still the same. I am constantly scanning, no because I want to but my mind is still sort of geared for that routine. Drives are quiet most times. I just get in this zone and really don’t like it. I find myself in a stare at random times. My mind just goes into thoughts of being in sector or certain events that transpired.

I’m going to be setting up an appointment with a counselor I use to see. I made contact with him yesterday so I am happy that I can seek some sort of retreat with him.

I got to see a few guys I was stationed with this past week. They are from my state so opportunities arose and seeing them did me some good. I will say that being around my fellow brothers in arms is very therapeutic.

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My wife and I were driving on a highway today and she was getting off the ramp to get on the actual highway. Well we had been driving for a little while and I am still getting use to being a passenger in a civilian car in the US. So I was already sort of piped up from the drive thus far.

We pulled onto the road and this car was speeding up the right lane and nearly ran my wife and I off the road….I turned and saw the car on the left rear side of our car. The guy raised his arm up and flipped us off and pushed on his horn.

I literally felt the adrenaline pour into my veins. I clenched my fists. I remember my wife telling me to calm down and to ignore it but I couldn’t. I wanted to physically hurt this guy. The car was still behind us and got in the other lane. I tried to calm down and just as I began the guy drove by again and flipped us off again!

I saw red!

The guy got on my side and the traffic ahead of us was slowing up. The guy looked at me through my window and lipped the words “Fuck….You!” I rolled down my window and almost came out of it. I exchanged some words with him and I do remember saying, “What the fuck guy, you see I’m a veteran, what’s your problem?” I have veteran plates on my vehicle. I probably would have calmed down a bit but he was persistent in making his point in telling us to fuck off.

He even gestured and asked me to pull over and we can take care of this. I am glad I was not driving. I probably would have really hurt this guy.

I don’t think the guy should treat me any different because I am a Veteran, I don’t expect it. It was just my knee jerk reaction and what I said. At the moment when that happened I felt like the guy was personally attacking me and belittling me and my wife. After all I did for this country I felt sort of disgraced and this guy was the outlet for that anger.

My wife and I were talking about it later on down the road and I told her that I have a feeling that I might be dealing with some type of anger/ptsd issues. I’m not a fool; I know I have some issue stemming from the war. I was in a zone that you had to defend yourself constantly.

This is going to be tough for me and I feel it already. I ought to avoid driving in general. I don’t want to make a mistake and regret it later.

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I have been doing some catch up on the news. I will say that the media here in the United States is piss poor. Why is it that the MSM’s report Baghdad as being the war? Shit doesn’t even really go on there. There are far worse places in Iraq that have story’s that would blow one’s mind if they knew. Where I was at, I hardly EVER saw reporters there. Heck we didn’t even get USO people there. Simply put, they were scared to be there. At least in Baghdad you could be behind 2 miles of heavily fortified protection.

I know my boys back in the ‘raq’ are fully engaged on a daily basis and I haven’t read a single blurb about the good things they have been doing.

Other than being engaged and fucking the enemy up, we did great things as well. We enabled kids to go to school, we protected children along certain routes, etc, etc. If the media only knew what these big bad killing machine US Soldiers really did? Could they possibly show compassion or not shoot someone? It’s always about the bad or Baghdad!

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