5/3/2007
The experience of Walter Reed Part 2.
American Soldier says,
The view from Mrs. AS.
Being here and talking to soldiers about their injuries and what’s going on for them now has been eye opening. And I don’t mean their care and healing. I’m talking about their relationships.
Most everyone that has gone to war has left a spouse or significant other behind. And that person vows to write, email, web cam, etc. Now I know when AS left we did all of these things. And the one thing I told him was “Come home. I don’t care if you’re missing a limb, or have scars, or need my constant care, just come home. I will be here for you.” This was not spoken lightly. I really meant what I said. And to this day I am still here trying to figure out how to help him.
This is my point. We talked to a few guys and heard them mention that their wives or girlfriends left them when they got back or while they were gone. HOW COULD THEY? This kept going through my mind. Their soldier came back from war and came back injured. They were already hurt, why hurt them more? I was truly puzzled.
AS and I talked about this on and off. I know for me that I will stand by my man and do as much as I can to help him. We got to the point where it was close to ending but we realized things were going bad and we knew why. We figured out how to fix it and are slowly putting the pieces back together.
He has a few different injuries. Some you can see and others you can’t. (As with most soldiers) When he came home he needed me on so many levels. I can’t imagine how he would have functioned had I said “I can’t do this. I’m leaving you” How can anyone do this? Your soldier needs you now more than ever!
It broke my heart to hear these guys tell us how their wives had left them. Or that their kids were a ward of the state because of their wives actions while they were gone.
It does lighten my heart a bit though to see those wives or girlfriends pushing their significant other in the wheelchair. Or just walking with them about the hospital. That makes me proud to know that some woman feel the way I do about my husband. That some will do whatever it takes to help them heal.
I just can’t imagine walking away when things got bad.
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12 Responses to “The experience of Walter Reed Part 2.”
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Ms AS, I am so glad you posted. Was waiting to hear from you. My wife and I are going to celebrate our 25th here soon, and over the years I have seen times when it would have been the easy thing to do was to go our separate ways. That is the easy way out; in many cases, the cowards way out.
A marriage will go through tough times, but what strengthens the marriage is seeing through those times and coming out the other side.
As to AS, I can do little to explain what is going on, and the damage that has happened. What he does need is unconditional love right now and the support that only a spouse can give.
The prayers are constant for both of you. I am so glad you are together during this time. You both need it.
Mrs. AS:
Thank you for your post. I was lucky Sgt. came home from Iraq with no physical injuries…but had the ones you can’t see with the naked eye. About 2/3 of the way through his deployment, my anxieties set in big time about reintegrating us as a couple b/c we had both gotten settled into our new lives/roles. I went to see my dr. and he told me how lucky Sgt. was and I thought he was loony b/c Sgt. was in 145 degree temps, dirty and sleeping on the ground and constantly looking over his shoulder then he told me about the families he had seen whose spouses had left them for one reason or another, drained bank accounts, etc. He asked me a couple of simple questions and when I told him how much I loved him, etc. he told me Sgt. was lucky because he didn’t have to worry about me at home leaving him, etc. and could focus on his task at hand. I stood by Sgt. his first tour and I’m planting my feet for the second.
Your strength is amazing and I know AS is just as proud of you as you are of him. Thank you for sharing your story. It reminds me of all I have to be proud of and thankful for.
Mrs. AS, I agree with you 100%. I don’t understand. I’ve never been to war, but my hubby has stood beside me through a really rough part of my life. Many men would have said, “see ya!” but he didn’t. He stuck. That’s what needs to be done. If my hubby got in a car accident or an accident at work at was injured for life, I’d stick. I know I would b/c I’m determined and I love this man with all my heart, injuries or not.
AS is a lucky man (as is Sgt. L!). Your support will see them through.
Mrs AS
Thank you for sharing. I agree with you completly. I just told Huby a fw days ago just to come home to me. I don’t care just come home to me and we would go from there. I took vows to love for better or worse and in sickness and health. I am not a shallow person so I can neever imagine leaving Hubby while he was deployed or came home hurt.
Mrs AS
I am not quite in the same boat as all of you but the situation isnt all that different. While my son was deployed one of his biggest concerns was will we his family treat him any different or turn our backs on him because of his job and what he did while in Afghanistan.We had heard of a few wives that had packed up and left with everything in the house even here in Canada. What I dont understand is how they could do this to thier husbands.Our military tours are only 6-8 months, yes hard months with not a lot of contact but still only 6 months.And then on the other hand there are wifes like you and the others here that stood proudly beside thier man. Kept the home fires burning and the household together waiting for the day that plane landed.Ladies I salute you all.It was hell being a mom of a deployed soldier I cant imagine being the wife of one. The old saying that there is strength in numbers is very true for our returning soldiers. Mrs AS you both take care and remember there are prayers being sent from the north.
Let me say that spouses frequently give far more than us deployed folks.
We do our duty in the desert, but the spouses have to keep up the household, pay the bills, manage the bank account, feed/clothe the kids, and sometimes work/go to school on top of it all.
My wife put up with a lot of sh*t during the times I was deployed… and I’ll never forget it, or make light of it.
We were fortunate, in that my wife and I benefited greatly from the experience and counsel of my parents. Vietnam nearly ended their marriage, but they stuck it out, and they’ve been married 40 years.
Commitment isn’t just a word.
God bless you, Mrs. AS. (((hugs)))
Great post Mrs AS, you’ve been a wonderful wife to him and have quite a cute daughter too
It’s all in luck of the draw in what kind of spouse you end up with, you and JR’s wife are an inspirition to all of the spouses out there.
Wives/girlfriends leaving after significant injuries happens all the time in the civilian world too. Sad, but true.
Husband was discharged from the navy. Joined the naval reserves, 6 months later, Koren war starts..3 days later notice to report for duty. Our first born was 5 weeks old when he left..My support group…Husbands family & my mom. If not for them there would not have been food nor shelter. We lived for our daily letters to each other. In 1950 stamps were 3 cents. There was nothing, not a thing to support wives & children left behind.. It is comforting to see the great help out there for them, Still it is not easy. And the adjustment once spouce is home…is just so very challenging and strained, you hang on by a thread. But we hung on and have 58 years comming up just around the conner. God Bless You All !
The world needs more couples who cherish one another as its so obvious you two do. I do not understand myself, how anyone who claims to love someone could betray that love simply because they are not able to see one another daily.
I am glad you are there to support and hold your husband.
I don’t understand it either. I heard stories about girl friends and wives leaving their husband’s while they were gone. I never really had to express the fact that I was 100% faithful to my boyfriend because he trusted me and I trusted him. I love him and I am glad I was there for him when he needed me. I also didn’t understand why it was so hard for some of them to keep their legs closed. That just baffles me.
So, Mrs. AS, you are not the only one out there wondering why… and thank you for posting.