Today I was reading a book that brought back some memories of Husbands deployment.

It was talking about soldiers going to the showers after an explosion near the base had woken everyone up. I remember AS telling me how he would shower every few days. I would joke with him about how gross that sounded. And he would assure me he was using extra deodorant in between those days.

Or the times when we got to see each other on vid cam. I would watch him pack his gear before a mission. Or unpack afterwards. I remember seeing his room behind him- the snacks sent from home, the cards from the kids. How I felt so lonely without him. And how he must feel without us. I remember watching him go to sleep on numerous occasions. It was nice to see him slip into bed, pull up the covers, blow me a kiss for night, and fall asleep. It made me feel closer to him. After that I would go back to bed knowing he was in the same place as me.

Or one night I was talking to him and all I could hear in the background was gun fire. And then the phone went dead. He called me back to say things were not so quiet that night. I remember wondering how anyone could sleep through all of that.

Then there was the time he said he really wanted me to send him his favortie- scoops and salsa. So I did. But by the time it got there the box had been dropped and the salsa jar cracked. He said it was wet and smelled of salsa. But he was glad that I at least tried to get it to him.

And everyone now and again I will hear songs that make me think of his being gone. There’s one by Rascal Flats, “What hurts the most”. That one never fails to bring me to the verge of tears.

It’s amazing that it’s been a year and a half since he’s been home and I can still be brought to tears thinking about him being gone. And the small things that make me remember what it was like while he was gone.

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